You have the power to affect and influence your circumstances. But you can be robbed of the awareness of your power by fear or other negative emotions. As single moms painful feelings are normal and understandable, but what you tell yourself ( your thinking!) about these emotions can make a difference in the intensity and duration of your pain.
The way you think also can make a difference in how you experience the outcomes of your choices, even when those outcomes are not the ones you most desire. Your perception of outcomes is within your control. By choosing how to think about your circumstances, you will have greater power to choose what actions you take in your life and to see the benefits in the results.
When I first became a single mother I was very frightened. I felt alienated from the married, middle class community in which I resided. And my compromised sense of belonging affected my sense of Self. I felt that I had failed and that I was inadequate. However, a sensible and rational part of me knew this thinking was distorted, and that I needed to correct the myth that I did not belong, that I was a failure and that I was no longer a whole person.
Over time I would come to realize fully what intuitively I knew to be true all along. My sense of Self depended only on myself. I was a strong woman, an adequate mother, and Even though this healing had to be “an inside job,” I still needed support to help me overcome my fears, and come to fully realize my courage and my strength.
Although the cultural norm at the time was “two-parent” families, my work involved redefining my family as intact. I needed to accept that it was reasonable to want and to enjoy the companionship of a relationship, but that I did not need a man (or any person) to complete me. Coming to these new beliefs was a choice I made. And choosing to shift my thinking empowered me to go forward with more trust in myself and a sense of personal freedom I did not have before.
As single mothers our sense of our strength must be recognize and absorbed into the understanding of who we truly are. Fears are normal and understandable, but we can prevent them from robbing us of our power to love ourselves, believe in ourselves, and trust that we can succeed.
It is this shift in Self acceptance and mental freedom that I hope to offer readers of “Soul Mothers’ Wisdom/Seven Insights for the Single Mother,” which will be published by Pearlsong Press of Tennessee within the next several months. As you come to terms with your circumstances, your strengths and our power to choose how you think about your life, you can be empowered to experience, and to realize, greater success as a mother and greater fulfillment as a woman.