EXCERPTS FROM BETTE’S BOOK

OTHER REALMS OTHER WAYS: A CLINICIAN’S GUIDE TO THE MAJICK OF INTUITION

THE WORKS WORK

Psychodynamic, cognitive, somatic sensing, and hypnotic options have become our current standards for the understanding of what promotes change in therapy as well as how to provide therapy.

Fortunately, as shown by the research of Miller and Hubble (2017), everything with which we choose to work works— in fact, all modalities are similarly effective. And you may be surprised to learn that alternatives that include the supra-natural healing arts also work. Note what Miller and Hubble (2017) say about this phenomenon:

Everything works! Without exception, every psychotherapy approach tested over the last 50 years works. But however the methods are believed to work—whether by the operation of spirits, the rebalancing of disharmonious energies, …control over automatic thoughts other mischief in the unconscious—each approach shares a common denominator: the conviction that forces outside awareness, inaccessible to reason or direct observation, influence or even control life.
“If everything works, why not work with everything? Why would you not want to construct a practice in which you bring it all and your all into the healing gestalt —including the perspective and potencies of the extra-sensible and the supra-natural? Doesn’t it make sense to add into the traditional mix your natural intuitive ability and the compelling insights of the psychic dimension? Can you think of a reason–I mean a reasonable reason–not to construct a therapeutic reality that includes the charisma of clinical magic?”

FASCINATION WITH INTUITION

Ask yourself, what creative, imaginative inspiration has made a difference in your life? Has intuition come in a dream, in a daydream? What solution has become clearer in a quiet moment of realization? How many of your best ideas have just shown up when you are “mindlessly” doing nothing—or mindfully doing something? Many of us have had the experience of just knowing who was calling when the phone rang or knowing when it was time to take a new route to the job, or a new route for a job.

The phenomenon of intuitive, psychic knowing is fascinating. Experiences that involve a felt sense of just knowing can feel like a tingling in your body, a tugging at your heart, or a wise kenning in the center of your soul. Perceptions such as these are basic gateways to another way of knowing that is intuitive, psychic. But before I tell you more about the realm of the psyche known as the psychic dimension, I invite you to join me in a moment of epiphany at Boston University School of Social Work.

There I am, in the first row on the first day of my first, and thank goodness, my only statistics class. I’d been dreading the math-tech content of this course while at the same time relishing the psychosocial, socio-political, and clinical aspects of my MSW education. Specifically, I’d been nervous about the statistics reading list. However, when Professor Bruce Maloof passes out the syllabus, the first books are far from what I expect. My friend Margaret (who by the way does palm readings) is sitting next to me. We look at the paper and then wide eyed, at each other.

ZEN AND THE ART OF MOTORCYCLE MAINTENANCE? THE TAO OF PHYSICS? AND A COUPLE BOOKS IN THE CARLOS CASTANEDA SERIES?

Evidently hearing his students’ unasked questions, Professor Maloof responds with a knowing chuckle. But in alluding to these atypical readings, he is quite serious, informing the class, “Lest you think that the scientific method is the only way to achieve knowledge, there is another way to know and to achieve wisdom. It is important for social workers to know about both ways.”

Delivered publicly by a science-oriented, business-savvy professor, this affirmation for my belief in the wisdom of the intuitive mind was exciting. These first books were right up my metaphysical alley. Several years before this I had taken a course called “Silva Mind Control” with Ramona Garcia, a respected psychic, and had met Herb Dewey, the renowned mentalist, at one of Ramona’s psychic fairs. Ramona and Herb demystified the word “psychic,” explaining that psychic comes from “psyche,” a Greek word meaning mind, spirit, consciousness and soul. Further, they emphasized that psychic ability, the capacity for intuitive knowing, is a universal human gift.

Discovering my psychic abilities was thrilling. I had already begun consulting with Herb and Ramona to learn how to recognize intuitive information and give psychic readings that could help people deal with their problems. Now in statistics class I was receiving another type of validation for my experience with this other way of knowing. As my courses evolved, what I had been learning from Herb and Ramona seemed to be coming to life in a new way. From this point, I began to listen differently, drawn to understand more about the creative overlap between factual knowledge, analytical data, and intuitive knowing.

IT’S REALLY ALL IN YOUR MIND

What comes to mind when you think about psychic impressions or intuitive dreams that have inspired you? What small hunch has led to a big decision? Can you remember a dream that has contributed to your success? Perhaps some deeply meaningful realization has changed the direction of your work or altered the landscape of your life.

Some define such psychic experiences as emanating from a sixth sense, or a “third eye.” Others believe that it is the unconscious mind that is all knowing, that has intuitive power to ignite your inner vision, generate correct decisions, and inspire creative imagination. Some speak of universal wisdom or, as I do, the psychic dimension of mind. Often, I refer to this esoteric reception as soul wisdom.

Regardless of your definition, human intuition is a limitless universe of knowledge, an endlessly available source of guidance that can help you navigate the complex spheres of work and life. Fortunately, you can learn about, develop, and apply your own psychic skills. To begin it takes only your belief that intuitive knowing is your birthright and the acceptance that there is wisdom in the psychic dimension. To follow is your commitment to listen to your soul’s inner voice, and the intention to heed its guidance.

EXCERPTS FROM BETTE’S BOOK

SOUL MOTHERS’ WISDOM: SEVEN INSIGHTS FOR THE SINGLE MOTHER

FROM THE INTRODUCTION

I have learned a lot about the courageous and resilient women whom society calls single mothers. We are a diverse group of mothers—and grandmothers. We are women whose mates have deserted us for parts unknown, women whose partners are in far corners of a giant world, keeping an unstable peace. We are mothers of children whose fathers have been rendered unavailable by business, emotional disability, illness, divorce or death.

Some of us have chosen to leave our relationships, or to adopt or give birth to a child on our own. Some of us have even made pilgrimages to bring home babies abandoned by other cultures. Whatever the circumstances, we have this in common—we are largely, if not completely, in charge of our children. 
We are of every color, race and religion. We are capable, adaptable, and resilient, often discouraged and almost always determined. On the road to greater maturity, we regularly become exhausted and overwhelmed, and sometimes experience exhilaration.

We may have supportive families or we may not. Some of us work, some receive aid, but rich or poor, we strive with whole hearts to do the job of raising our children well. Each of our stories is unique and amazing, embodying the pain and strength from which we can build a foundation for strength and maturity.  
Regardless of how we have entered this overpowering and inspiring life, we share a major common denominator—every day of our lives we are working hard with little time for ourselves, even though we need that time badly. We are tired and we are resolute. As we cope with all our circumstances, we strive to solve our problems, create fulfilling lives, and give our children what they need to grow up well. There are times when our bones ache, and times when we vibrate with energy. Always we crave support and long for understanding.

In this book I share my own story as well as the stories of other single mothers. I trust that through these stories you will recognize your own strength and gather Soul Mother Wisdom. Sharing what I have learned about healing, succeeding and becoming wise is a current step in my own journey as a single mother and as a practicing psychotherapist. 
I offer you what I have discovered about how to think, how to manage stress effectively, how to make, and trust, your decisions, and how to muster up the inner resources of courage and hope when things seem bleak. I believe that we can do a better job as single mothers and can feel better about our lives when we know ourselves better and know how to cope with what life deals out.

MY DEAR SISTERS

My dear sisters, we all need to find positive meaning in the stories we are living. I hope that as you read you will come to see the wisdom and inner strength in the chapters of your stories. It is my passionate dream that as you do the most important job on the planet, this book will inspire you to discover your own authenticity and positive Self-identity as you build your maturity, resilience and strength.

As you live out whatever hands you are dealt, may you find the strength within your true Self. May you live peacefully with a heart full of gratefulness, forgiveness and faith. May you parent with confidence in the success of your purpose. And may your inner spirit sparkle with the wisdom that resides in your Soul.

THE NATURE OF STRESS AND THE POWER OF COPING

The word Stress has a dual meaning. When it refers to a circumstance or situation that requires you to respond in some way, it is called a stressor. The feeling you feel when you have a stressor is also referred to as stress, or sometimes as “stressed out.” In other words, a stressor causes stress that makes you feel stressed!

Stressors, as well as your stressed-out feelings, can result from either pleasant or unpleasant situations. For example, going through a divorce, or beginning a new relationship can cause stress. When a stressor comes from a positive source, it is called eustress; when from a negative source, it is called distress. You probably know quite a bit about the latter.

While some stressors are more severe than others, as in Barbara’s story, the severity of your stress depends partly on what you are thinking, feeling and believing about the stressor. Your thoughts, emotions and beliefs affect the severity of the stressor and your response to it.

Past experiences influence how stressed you feel, and what coping choices you make. The usual or habitual way you cope is called your coping style. The evaluation step of SOLVE can help you assess how effective your coping choices and your coping style are in reducing your stress.

Some coping choices and styles appear to lower stress because they make you feel better in the short-term. However, in the long run, some choices, such as too many cigarettes or too much alcohol, have the potential to increase stress by causing other problems over time. While we cannot prevent all stress, the most successful coping choices and styles boost your skills for more successful parenting and more satisfying living by beating stress in the short and long-term.