By Bette Freedson
We all have a fascinating story. Some of you might write about it, some may talk about it, and some may not say much at all. However, every one of us has coped with life events that hold the seeds and secrets of our inner strengths. Embedded in the chapters of each story are roots of our wounds as well as revelations of the resources that have inspired us to be competent, capable and courageous.
Our stories have altered our emotions, inspired our creativity; and, depending on the choices we have made, have shaped our identities and our capacities for coping. If you were to write your life story-up to this point—what would you say? What has been most important? What have the lessons been and how have you grown?
I often wonder how my life might have evolved had I not chosen to go back to social work school. I started school during one of the most stressful events of my life, separation and divorce. I needed to know how to deal with stress and became determined to learn how. Fortunately, the anxiety caused by the marital rupture and other related experiences morphed into curiosity for discovering how to deal more effectively with circumstances and emotions.
Today we know that it is wise to deal with stress effectively in order to head of later problems. By facing pain and fears, my story turned a corner toward using intuition and increasing my confidence. My determination to grow stronger guided me into personal growth and eventually into the practice of helping others. You too can consciously choose the paths you walk down as you live your own life story.
Given the right circumstances, any sad story can rise like the Loch Ness Monster. But how do we find out what our stress monster is about and how do we decide what to do about it? Sometimes sadness and stress are clearly recognizable–like a divorce, or a difficult boss, or a 40-hour job that requires 80 hours. However, often it’s the hidden stresses that trick us, making us nervous, fearful, and even physically sick. How do we uncover and cope with these tricksters?
Like any mythical beast, the stress monster will be as scary as your belief in it. The secret to managing the stress lies in becoming aware of what you believe. It is possible to put stress in its rightful place in your thinking while proceeding with courage and determination to find new and more creative ways to cope with the realities of each situation.
The secrets to adapting to situations and dealing with stress are not only in our stories, but also, become the stories–most particularly by changing the meanings we attribute to the circumstances in the storylines. Depending on what we tell ourselves, we can pull ourselves down or up, pointing into hopefulness. Now, think about your own story. What have you gone through? How have you survived? What resources did you use to get through what you went through? I do not recommend ignoring the pain or pretending that the difficult thing didn’t happen. But I heartily encourage reviewing your story and if it makes sense to you, telling parts of the story in a safe place, where you can see the choices, you have made and the meanings you have created. Our strength of character, health of body, and peace of mind live and breathe in our amazing personal stories.
